Insights for Families - My advice to a mum who is trying her best

I've recently received a question from one of our readers, a mother of two young children, one autistic, and the other is currently awaiting assessments.
I'm sharing this with you because her question resonates with the experiences of many in our community: the feelings of being overwhelmed as we strive to support our children, often without a clear roadmap for navigating this journey.
I've slightly adjusted her original message to preserve the reader's anonymity. I hope you find this blog valuable. It's my pleasure to explore this question and provide insights that can benefit our community of parents.

This was our reader's question:

Where do I start? How did you know what to do? How did you know what would work for your son? You seem so confident! I'm a teacher of 16 years and a mother to two young children (one diagnosed with autism and one awaiting diagnosis). I feel so overwhelmed! I don't know where to start or what to do!

Things I've tried have worked, but we haven't come very far in two years. I'm so exhausted from working with 28 children that the evenings are difficult to get anything done. Also, my children are tired after school themselves.

Sensory issues are blocking learning, and while these are mostly under control now, I still feel like I don't know what to do, like I don't know my own kids, and that breaks my heart every day. I wish I had more knowledge, more time, more energy. How do people without a background in education even begin to negotiate this?

Some days, I want to give up work and dedicate my whole life to my sons, but then what's left for me and my well-being? Where do I start, and what do I do? I feel like we're always racing around but not getting anywhere fast. I could do so much more if I knew WHAT to do…I feel I have so much to give, but I don't know what he needs. Help 😅

Signed: Trying Her Best

Hello, my dear, "Trying her best,"

I want to start by thanking you for reaching out. Not only are you expressing your concerns, but you're also echoing the concerns of many other mothers facing similar situations.

When you ask, "How did you know what would work with your son?" I had an advantage there because I am a professional, and at that point, I already had a decade of experience in early intervention when my son was born. I had the privilege of being familiar with early intervention for children with developmental delays, as I had previously worked with children with Down syndrome. While my knowledge of autism was limited (as it was for most people at the time), I began educating myself in this field. So, it was a familiar territory for me.

Feeling overwhelmed initially, especially with two young children, is completely normal. You're already finding ways to support them, and some of your strategies are proving effective.

Every person navigates this journey in their unique way. If there are any local parent associations, I encourage you to connect with them, as parent-to-parent support can be incredibly valuable.

Surrounding yourself with people who can inspire hope is so important. This includes the professionals you consult with and the information you read. Seek out those who offer an optimistic perspective. I always seek inspiring role models for me and my son. That does not mean you deny the challenges you may be experiencing, but we all need a sense of positivity to move forward with hope.

I understand that being a working mum with young children is challenging. Sometimes, it might seem like quitting work is the best option, and that may or may not be. Consider a career break and applying for carers' benefit to support you during that time. This doesn't mean stopping work forever. I love my job and appreciate the balance between work and home life. Initially, I went part-time to spend more time with my son and gradually increased my work hours as he grew. As children develop, things change.

Your heartfelt letter mentioned feeling a bit distant from your children. I completely understand that with young autistic children, who may often be content playing by themselves and might not yet have developed strong communication skills, it can sometimes create a sense of disconnect. You asked, "Where do I start?" The starting point is simply spending quality time together. Forget about "teaching" and focus on connecting and having fun together.
It was very challenging for me, too. Like you, I am an educator, and I initially wanted to "teach" Sebastian, which resulted in incredible frustration because he wanted me to be his mummy, not his teacher. So, over time, I realised that all I needed to do was to connect and join his world.
Sebastian used to enjoy bath time, which allowed us to engage and play. Bedtime stories were also a favourite, and I accumulated a lot of books for those moments. Consider what your children love doing, whether playing in the garden, with sand, water, songs, or rough and tumble play and do more of that. It stimulates their development and creates enjoyable moments for both them and you.

Before I conclude, there's one more crucial thing I'd like to emphasise: your health is of utmost importance. High-stress levels can significantly affect both your physical and mental well-being. I've learned this the hard way, so I can't stress it enough.

First and foremost, your children need a loving mum.

There's so much more I'd like to share, but for now, I'll leave it here. I promise to create more content and blogs for parents soon, as I've received many messages like yours.

Wishing you all the best.

With love,

Silvia